This experience was far beyond what I had imagined I would get to. My first experience with acid was not nearly as intense, or deep.
My thinking was seriously expanded afterwards. I remember even being afraid to drive because I was getting so distracted in thought. I think it was a Saturday we took it, it lasted into Sunday morning, I think it was a solid 11-14 hours for me before I began to really feel integrated and more rooted. I continued to read Be Here Now throughout the day as I was going about my day. It must have been around Dec 2011 or Jan 2012 that we did this.
The book has this thick center portion, the bulk of the book, in this brown paper form. I had finished reading that part as I arrived at work on Monday morning.
I taught a yoga class, and I very distinctly remember having a great class. One of the teachers gave me feedback and said ‘Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it’
I was very taken aback from this because I was out of my mind insane tripping and she’s telling me to keep doing it? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
I felt extra sensitive to everything. I felt everything more. It was like a re-sensitization I went through. I felt exposed. I felt desperate to understand, frantic to establish some semblance of familiarity, or security in my space. I remember struggling very hard to establish myself as I got back into my kriya practice. That was one of the biggest things to help me balance and re integrate. Without that stuff, I can’t say it enough, I would have gone crazy and killed myself by now. I firmly believe this.
I found this to be quite a double edged sword. I felt more open and in touch with my true self, yet I felt more sensitive and vulnerable at the same time. It was this interesting interplay. I spent so much of my life being stuck and numb, this was, in a lot of ways, very welcomed. This was much more open and sensitizing to me than the mushrooms I would say. Mushrooms always felt more manageable to me, more my style. I also had more certainty that yes, this was a mushroom, I am eating a natural thing. I always had a bit of a doubt whether or not this random tab actually has the same substance which my dad took so much of, and all of this music in the 70s was written on.
I remember the day that I got done tripping, I had felt very ‘fuck this get this away from me I can’t deal with this I don’t want it’ and gave almost all of it to a friend. I felt like it was dangerous to keep as much as I had.
They did both have a similar effect that I can attest to which was this quality of energy, I say this with lack of certainty, but it may be prana, or just universal energy, I felt like they’re both this unifying experience which leaves this charge of residue in your system, like for the next week or so you’re super charged and more alert, more expanded, thinking is more elevated and inspired and goes to new places without having to go on a big ass yoga retreat doing deep self inquiry.
So I went very far very fast, and ended up spending a lot of time steadying the ship so to speak. I had to readjust afterwards, and this is where I began to question the true cost and benefit of this method.